why marriage is valid but probably not about love
I am of the opinion that, in my personal life, marriage is only valid for the legal ramifications associated with it. There comes a time in every relationship where one person needs to think about making some sort of significant personal sacrifice for the betterment of the unit as a whole. I feel that when you are ready to make these types of sacrifices for someone else, and that person is ready to do the same for you… you should get married. I know that there are other benefits and rights associated with getting married, but I view marriage primarily as the merging and protecting of assets.
In the case of potential personal sacrifice, marriage provides a hedge that protects both parties if things were to go wrong. Yes, I do think it’s realistic, due to high divorce rates in the United States, to prepare for potentially exiting the contract if shit were to hit the fan, for whatever reason. Anyone who doesn’t think that divorce is a probable or possible future option is simply delusional and kidding themselves. I also strongly believe in prenuptial agreements, granted that they are drafted carefully and fairly in a way that protects both parties (not only the one that is more wealthy), because I don’t think anyone should feel forced to stay in unhappy situations for monetary reasons.
I never understood why people got married for love. I used to think that love was the willingness to make material personal sacrifices for the betterment one’s relationship with another being, but I have been convinced by my peers that love - in all its glory - is some sort of bubbly, gushy, nausea-inducing feeling. If two people are in love, why do they need marriage to provide symbolic validity for their relationship? Wouldn’t they stay together anyway? I suppose it’s nice to have a celebration of your bond in front of your family and friends, but that doesn’t really provide a cost/benefit justification for the drawn-out, generally expensive ordeal. Shouldn’t being together and being supported in your daily life by those around you be enough?
Marriage, because it relies on recognition from the government, is inherently not based on love, but rather, based on the interests of the state, which in turn, is very much invested in the procreative potential of its citizens. If marriage were really about love, then it would not come with benefits and incentives that induce people to marry even in absence of love. If marriage were really about love, it would not be an agreement mediated by law. If it were about love, there would be no history of parental vetoes, anti-miscegenation legislation, or queer discrimination. Of course, that ugly past exists precisely because marriage, historically, is not about romance, but about money - how to create it and how to maintain it. Source.
That said, everyone in general should be able to get married for whatever reason they want. I am merely stating my personal ideas about the situation. I strongly believe in the right for people to engage in religious traditions, think however they want, and symbolize their affection for one another in any way they choose. I do think that wedding ceremonies are somewhat of a hackneyed tradition, but I always enjoy a good party.
One of my good friends recently got engaged, and I am genuinely happy for her. Don’t worry, I’ll re-write my toast when the day comes :)
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why nerdy white guys go for asian girls… and why meeting people in clubs is not productive
And maybe I’ll tell you the secret to the universe while I’m at it. I kid. 
The best argument I’ve heard on why nerdy white guys go for Asian girls. On a scale of one to ten, say the guy is a solid six in physical appearance but is a ten in intelligence. His estimated total value is skewed towards the qualities that women find important in a potential mate. If the guy wants a girl whose total value (based on whatever criteria he deems to be important) is an eight or a nine, he needs to find someone who appreciates intelligence. Since Asian girls are brought up to value intelligence, they tend to put more emphasis on it. Thus, on average, they will be more likely than other kinds of girls to put an higher total value on nerdy guys. Since people (in general) don’t tend to date beneath their perceived value of themselves, the higher value girls who are actually interested in them tend to be Asian. So it’s not like ZOMG YELLOW FEVER, get me out of HERE! There’s a perfectly rational explanation for it all :).
I hate going to and meeting people in clubs. If I’m in the mood to dance, I’ll go to a gay club with my girlfriends. I almost never ever go to normal clubs unless I’m being guilt-tripped or dragged by the hair into them. This weekend was one of those weekends: my friends (who love clubbing) were here from out of town, and I was being a good hostess. I took them to an unmarked club with a slide in the entrance (address on Google maps is also wrong!) and decided to use it as an opportunity to study human behavior. In a typical club, where the music is loud and everyone around you is dancing, it is very difficult to have a proper conversation. As a result, girls tend to go for the hottest guys because physical attractiveness is the only thing you can really base your evaluation off of… … unless you can drop a line like “hey baby, I’m the President of the United States.” But then again, if you actually need to drop that line, she’s probably not worth dating.
Maybe you’ll dance, maybe you’ll get a number, maybe you’ll meet up afterwards, and maybe it’ll work out… but let’s face it: most people gain maybe a one night stand out of the experience (at most). Let’s face it, out of all the single people you meet, you’ll probably only actually consider dating < 5% of them (if even that). What are the chances of blindly picking that 5% without talking to them first? I personally don’t enjoy the environment because physical attractiveness is only a small part of what’s important in meeting people (in general). Call me overly guarded, but I’m always suspicious about interacting with people unless I’ve had at least a fifteen minute conversation with them beforehand. So no, I’ve never danced or talked with anyone I’ve “randomly met” at a club, unless he/she was already a friend of a friend. Well, I guess I sometimes tell girls that I like their shoes / outfit… or have pointless bathroom banter. But nothing beyond that.
See, the arguments for both of the above conclusions are the same. It all comes down to valuing other things beyond physical attractiveness.
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arguments for and against online dating
The argument for. In a world of social networking and finding common interests (professional, hobbies, etc) on the Internet through Twitter, LinkedIn, blogging, Flickr, Meetup, etc, shouldn’t the natural extension be to find potential mates online too? Why is it still kind of a taboo? Real life is difficult. It’s hard to approach people without seeming creepy, socially awkward, and completely ridiculous. So many stars have to align for you to be able to coincidentally meet, be single at the same time, be in a good enough mood to act pleasant, live in the same city, stop focusing on some other thing you’re doing rightfuckingnow long enough to pay attention to someone, and maybe…. just maybe hit it off.
The reason why I also like online shopping better than real life shopping is that there is more choice. If you want a pair of sexy black boots with stiletto heels and red soles, you can go to Modista (well, before they shut it down) to drill down by color and style to your slutty little heart’s content (oh please, term of endearment). A simple search can also yield a lot of results that you can compare easily without having to drive around to all the different stores in your area. Same thing goes for men: yes, men = shoes. Online shopping in the form of Google, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, blogs is essential to effectively judge people and decide if you want to meet them.
All public information is fair game and not considered “stalking,” unless you use the term loosely like I do. People should not be surprised that other human beings are capable of typing their names into a website. After all, what do you have to go by, within the first five seconds of seeing / meeting someone and deciding whether or not you’re going to talk to them, in real life? Whether or not he’s cute and whether or not he’s creepy. And yes, being cute vs. creepy has a -1 correlation coefficient.
The argument against. There is a ton of spam, especially for girls. People on the internet are semi-anonymous, so they can be pretty ridiculous. There needs to be a way for people to feel at least somewhat accountable for their actions and not free to say things that are completely retarded or offensive. I think Thread does a good job of doing this because your real name and your common friends’ names are attached to your profile. Can you imagine if the messages people get on OKCupid got sent through Thread? ”Dude, WTF, your friend just asked if he could suck on my toes!” - embarrassment on all sides and social capital (omg, I hate this term) that you probably aren’t willing to risk.
People also tend to be much more judgmental online and write people off much easier. Since you have SO MUCH INFORMATION, it’s easy to nitpick and reject people based on something that doesn’t even matter in the long run. If you were to initially meet someone in real life, the chemistry could be so strong that you overlook these little things. Basically, the paradox of choice traps you from being able to make a decision that you’re happy with.
There is also the issue of selection. Since there is still a stigma against online dating, not everyone is on it, and some people feel like they are “above” it. It would be a much more perfect system if everyone were on it. Thread also does a good job at solving this because it takes commonly accepted behavior (using Facebook) and integrates it into its match making process. People don’t have to sign up for you to be able to see them. I think it would have much more potential if it integrated quizzes and other information with the Facebook profiles it displays.
All in all, I think things are moving in the right direction: the Internet. Hopefully Thread will be a big part of making it more socially acceptable.
