why marriage is valid but probably not about love
I am of the opinion that, in my personal life, marriage is only valid for the legal ramifications associated with it. There comes a time in every relationship where one person needs to think about making some sort of significant personal sacrifice for the betterment of the unit as a whole. I feel that when you are ready to make these types of sacrifices for someone else, and that person is ready to do the same for you… you should get married. I know that there are other benefits and rights associated with getting married, but I view marriage primarily as the merging and protecting of assets.
In the case of potential personal sacrifice, marriage provides a hedge that protects both parties if things were to go wrong. Yes, I do think it’s realistic, due to high divorce rates in the United States, to prepare for potentially exiting the contract if shit were to hit the fan, for whatever reason. Anyone who doesn’t think that divorce is a probable or possible future option is simply delusional and kidding themselves. I also strongly believe in prenuptial agreements, granted that they are drafted carefully and fairly in a way that protects both parties (not only the one that is more wealthy), because I don’t think anyone should feel forced to stay in unhappy situations for monetary reasons.
I never understood why people got married for love. I used to think that love was the willingness to make material personal sacrifices for the betterment one’s relationship with another being, but I have been convinced by my peers that love - in all its glory - is some sort of bubbly, gushy, nausea-inducing feeling. If two people are in love, why do they need marriage to provide symbolic validity for their relationship? Wouldn’t they stay together anyway? I suppose it’s nice to have a celebration of your bond in front of your family and friends, but that doesn’t really provide a cost/benefit justification for the drawn-out, generally expensive ordeal. Shouldn’t being together and being supported in your daily life by those around you be enough?
Marriage, because it relies on recognition from the government, is inherently not based on love, but rather, based on the interests of the state, which in turn, is very much invested in the procreative potential of its citizens. If marriage were really about love, then it would not come with benefits and incentives that induce people to marry even in absence of love. If marriage were really about love, it would not be an agreement mediated by law. If it were about love, there would be no history of parental vetoes, anti-miscegenation legislation, or queer discrimination. Of course, that ugly past exists precisely because marriage, historically, is not about romance, but about money - how to create it and how to maintain it. Source.
That said, everyone in general should be able to get married for whatever reason they want. I am merely stating my personal ideas about the situation. I strongly believe in the right for people to engage in religious traditions, think however they want, and symbolize their affection for one another in any way they choose. I do think that wedding ceremonies are somewhat of a hackneyed tradition, but I always enjoy a good party.
One of my good friends recently got engaged, and I am genuinely happy for her. Don’t worry, I’ll re-write my toast when the day comes :)
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